New readers to BCO Totally-Not-BCO* are frequently confronted with a raft of seemingly random comments, about crunchy red monogrammed thermoses that saved bread.

Here’s some help to de-tangle the in jokes and memes that have sprung up from Pinkham’s weekly magnum opus.

(As a first reference, many of the best stories can be found in The Best BCO stories of 2014 post.)

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“Monogrammed Thermoses”

The #1 story of 2014, from a man who seriously thought that he was Somebody Important Enough To Be Whacked By The Mob, as he allegedly sold the afore-mentioned monogrammed thermoses.

“Crunchy” and “Red” Allergies

The former is from the #7 story of 2014, from Walter Simmons’ story of a customer who claimed to be allergic to crunchy. Just “crunchy”. (But “crispy” was ok.)

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The latter comes from Jenny Frigosi’s story of working at a vegan restaurant, and the “Moderately Attractive Man” who proclaimed this allergy to the entire color.

“He save bread!”

The #4 story of 2014, from Alton Staufffer, a tale of a (wonderfully delightful) group of drunken Russians at a rehearsal dinner, managing to save a basket of breadsticks from a candle-started fire on the table.

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“Mouth Part Of Your Face”

The #2 story of 2014, Dustin Hucks’ story of dealing with his soon-to-be-former youth group while working at a Fazoli’s produced this gem of an expression, courtesy of Dustin himself describing the free breadsticks policy.

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Editor’s Note: Per user insofaras, below, this may originally come from a Jack Handey saying.

“It’s Not Free If You Give It To Me”

Callie Rossmeyer’s story of a woman who didn’t seem to understand basic economics and/or the dictionary.

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“Piglio Griglio”

Jessica Faller’s story of two “Gorgons” in desperate need of a closer look at the spelling on the wine list.

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“Pinkham’s Law”

Not so much a meme, as the idea that no matter how stupid, how wrong, how idiotic, a customer (it’s usually the customer) was, someone will show up in the comments to defend them.

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If we’ve forgotten anything (that has *real* staying power), please let me know. And if I’ve messed anything up, well, remember:


And now, from the “Off The Menu” times...

“HE. SAID. BEEF!”

Jenny Sanders’ story of the ultimate in rage-quitting. (And possibly rage-stroking.)

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“It cooks all the meat out.”

Colleen Williams’ story on how to make “vegan” bacon (if only it was that simple).

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(Possibly closely related to an early BCO story about grilling something (more) until it’s tender (again) - see #17 in the 2014 list.)

Jesus would have sat in the bar”

Possibly the best customer-to-customer comment ever. From Jessica Ballard.


“The Guide is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate.”

*Now appearing in its last days over on Wonkette.com Bitter Empire. Thanks Denton Whomever.