Totally-Not-BCO-Anymore: The "Definitive" In Jokes Post

New readers to BCO Totally-Not-BCO* are frequently confronted with a raft of seemingly random comments, about crunchy red monogrammed thermoses that saved bread.

Here’s some help to de-tangle the in jokes and memes that have sprung up from Pinkham’s weekly magnum opus.

(As a first reference, many of the best stories can be found in The Best BCO stories of 2014 post.)


“Monogrammed Thermoses”

The #1 story of 2014, from a man who seriously thought that he was Somebody Important Enough To Be Whacked By The Mob, as he allegedly sold the afore-mentioned monogrammed thermoses.


“Crunchy” and “Red” Allergies

The former is from the #7 story of 2014, from Walter Simmons’ story of a customer who claimed to be allergic to crunchy. Just “crunchy”. (But “crispy” was ok.)


The latter comes from Jenny Frigosi’s story of working at a vegan restaurant, and the “Moderately Attractive Man” who proclaimed this allergy to the entire color.

“He save bread!”

The #4 story of 2014, from Alton Staufffer, a tale of a (wonderfully delightful) group of drunken Russians at a rehearsal dinner, managing to save a basket of breadsticks from a candle-started fire on the table.


“Mouth Part Of Your Face”

The #2 story of 2014, Dustin Hucks’ story of dealing with his soon-to-be-former youth group while working at a Fazoli’s produced this gem of an expression, courtesy of Dustin himself describing the free breadsticks policy.


Editor’s Note: Per user insofaras, below, this may originally come from a Jack Handey saying.

“It’s Not Free If You Give It To Me”

Callie Rossmeyer’s story of a woman who didn’t seem to understand basic economics and/or the dictionary.


“Piglio Griglio”

Jessica Faller’s story of two “Gorgons” in desperate need of a closer look at the spelling on the wine list.


“Pinkham’s Law”

Not so much a meme, as the idea that no matter how stupid, how wrong, how idiotic, a customer (it’s usually the customer) was, someone will show up in the comments to defend them.


If we’ve forgotten anything (that has *real* staying power), please let me know. And if I’ve messed anything up, well, remember:

And now, from the “Off The Menu” times...


Jenny Sanders’ story of the ultimate in rage-quitting. (And possibly rage-stroking.)


“It cooks all the meat out.”

Colleen Williams’ story on how to make “vegan” bacon (if only it was that simple).


(Possibly closely related to an early BCO story about grilling something (more) until it’s tender (again) - see #17 in the 2014 list.)

Jesus would have sat in the bar”

Possibly the best customer-to-customer comment ever. From Jessica Ballard.

“The Guide is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate.”

*Now appearing in its last days over on Bitter Empire. Thanks Denton Whomever.

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